My anxiety

When I first moved to Belfast and realized that I’ll be living here for some time, I urgently began to look for different activities. I was very afraid of falling into the stage when you don’t want to go anywhere, to do anything, but just hide from the world in the bed (because it was the only thing I wanted to do those days).

Besides, I am painfully worried if I don’t do something that I think is useful. I believe that I waste time, and it flies and life passes me by. Therefore, I artificially create different activities for myself.

At first, I searched for them online and attended almost all the free events in Belfast. Then I chose the ones that seemed most interesting to me and went there. In addition, I began to volunteer and almost enrolled in the gym. I started making friends and meet new people, so now my schedule is filled in for a week ahead and this despite the fact that I am not working. So I’m really professional of keeping myself busy.

But lately, I often wonder that I’m doing this in order to run away from myself and not to be alone with my thoughts and anxiety. Because such activity really takes my time, but it doesn’t always bring me innerl pleasure. I feel like I’m walking in a vicious circle and I can’t do anything. I can’t be at home, but the same time I don’t always enjoy my activities.I don’t feel like I’m evolving and I’m afraid that after a while I won’t be able to be proud of myself and my achievements because I’m on a constant search. But I really don’t know what I’m looking for.

Are you happy with how your life is going and how you feel your life?

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55 Comments

  1. I Hope you courage and creativity. For example the way you write your emotions is a good thing! Very good things

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Sofia says:

      Thank you ๐Ÿค—

      Like

  2. MNSKY says:

    Progressivism (formally known as Liberalism) is a Mental Disorder…maybe try some Conservative activities.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Sofia says:

      Sorry, what do you mean? ๐Ÿ™ƒ

      Liked by 1 person

      1. MNSKY says:

        Get something like a part time job, and don’t let the ego tell you that the job is beneath you. I believe you have said the only jobs available are the ones that locals don’t want, so pick one of those if nothing else is available. Maybe try one wid out a lot of people involved…landscaping, nursery (plants), hotel/motel maid, etc. Put the ego behind you ‘n move on…so to speak.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Sofia says:

        I’d have worked a long time ago if I could. There are no bad or unworthy work. But! I can’t work, I don’t have permission to do that. ๐Ÿ™ˆ

        Liked by 1 person

      3. MNSKY says:

        Yeah, such thinking is why it’s said that – Progressivism is a Mental Disorder, but it isn’t alone:
        “There were five forms of governance that migrated from theory to reality in the 20th Century: Socialism, Communism, Fascism, Nazism and Progressivism. The common denominator among them was unprecedented control and regulation by the State over human activity. It is delusional to think that the totalitarian impulse expired with the 20th Century.” – E. Nuff Said
        Coming from one Progressive State (Communist) to another Progressive State (Socialist) the “common denominator” is going to remain the same – “unprecedented control and regulation by the State over human activity.” Such States will allow you to wallow in “anxiety” until they are ready to offer you some more scraps.
        Heck, almost half of America belongs to Progressives…ran by the Democratic party ‘n their puppets in the Federal Govt (FBI, IRS, DoJ, etc.), but America’s Capitalism still manages to hold them off…so far ‘n barely. Refugees ‘n Illegal aliens coming to America mostly ignore the “permission” rule, and just go out ‘n accept any job offered.
        You are a grown woman…who seems to be allowing her ego to get the best of her. My comments are not meant to hurt you but given in an attempt to give you another direction to look at.

        Liked by 1 person

      4. Sofia says:

        Everyone has their own vision of the situation and I respect any opinion, even if I don’t agree with it. But I won’t engage in illegal activities, but rather wait for permission. Therefore, for now, I am busy creating the most harmonious and comfortable environment around me. Anyway thank you for different options you offered me โ˜บ๏ธ

        Liked by 2 people

      5. MNSKY says:

        Another option might be something like this:

        โ€œLike two golden birds perched on the selfsame tree,
        intimate friends, the ego and the Self dwell in the same body.
        The former eats the sweet and sour fruits of the tree of life,
        while the latter looks on in detachmentโ€. The Mundaka Upanishad

        NOTE: Not as a religion…

        Liked by 1 person

  3. chattykerry says:

    Please ignore the previous comment, Sofia. If you can’t say something good, keep your thoughts to yourself. As to your lovely post, I so feel your pain. When I moved to Cairo, my chronic anxiety went into overdrive and for the first time, I had to take medication which helped tremendously. I have volunteered since I was 15 years old and have just retired (from volunteering) at age 62. It gave purpose to my life but sometimes it was too much and I had to move onto something else. Sometimes a book club can be a simple way to integrate with people (although eventually I stopped doing that too).

    You are doing amazingly well settling into a completely new life. Give yourself a pat on the back. Sending a liberal hug from Texas. ๐Ÿ˜‰

    Liked by 5 people

    1. Sofia says:

      Thank you so much! ๐Ÿค—
      And how do you spend your time now? You don’t do volunteering and book club anymore, so I think you should do something as much interesting, but maybe in another field now ๐Ÿ˜Š

      Liked by 1 person

      1. chattykerry says:

        I do contract work with destination conferences, so sometimes I am very busy. My husband is on a restrictive low sodium diet so I have had to learn to cook again. I am using cookbooks that I have had for 40 years. My lungs are a little unhealthy so I have tried to keep away from people during this Pandemic – not easy in my line of work.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Sofia says:

        It’s healthy that you can manage all of these and still have time to take care of your family ๐Ÿ‘โ˜บ๏ธ

        Liked by 2 people

      3. chattykerry says:

        ๐Ÿฅฐ

        Liked by 1 person

  4. cupcakecache says:

    You are very lucky to have this opportunity and in Belfast. Make the most of it and listen with a jaded ear to all, follow your path, make a few mistakes but know that you are one of the lucky ones. Cheers!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Sofia says:

      Thank you! ๐Ÿ˜Š

      Liked by 1 person

  5. davesswan says:

    Youโ€™re doing something useful by telling your story here. Please donโ€™t be too hard on yourself. Thereโ€™s no script, no manual for what youโ€™re going through. Take care and keep writing.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Sofia says:

      Thank you for your support ๐Ÿค—

      Like

  6. mistermuse says:

    As an introvert, you strike me as a fellow traveler (even if not as ‘well-traveled,’ age-wise, as I am)….and, it seems, a very conflicted introvert who’s not comfortable in your own shoes. May I recommend to you a book which I think will help you get a handle on ‘things,’ by Susan Cain. If nothing else, I think it will help you understand and know yourself better, which is a necessary step in your search for “what I’m looking for.”

    Liked by 1 person

      1. Sofia says:

        Wow! Thank you โ˜บ๏ธ I appreciate your support and I’ll try to read this book asap ๐Ÿค—

        Liked by 1 person

      2. mistermuse says:

        You’re most welcome…..and now I’ll take a hint from the book title and be QUIET!

        Liked by 1 person

      3. Sofia says:

        ๐Ÿ˜…๐Ÿค—

        Like

  7. atarigen72 says:

    To answer your question no I’m not. I’m in the opposite rut as you but the reason I stay in is not always in my control. You’re managing better than me keep up the good work.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Sofia says:

      So you’re not happy about something happens in your life, but can’t control it? I totally understand you and its really hard situation. Hope you’ll find how to deal with it. ๐Ÿ™Œ๐Ÿ™Œ

      Liked by 1 person

  8. cupcakecache says:

    At least you are well aware of how to express yourself on social media. That is a step ahead.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Sofia says:

      Not really, but thank you ๐Ÿ˜…โ˜บ๏ธ

      Liked by 1 person

      1. cupcakecache says:

        Well, you got my attention and I am no social media bug.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Sofia says:

        I’m really happy to hear that, you motivate me to keep writing, thank you โ˜บ๏ธ

        Liked by 2 people

      3. cupcakecache says:

        Well, if you read my post-we all have our challenges in life.

        Liked by 1 person

    1. Sofia says:

      โ˜บ๏ธ

      Like

  9. margaret21 says:

    It’s a difficult one. I think many of us, on arriving in a new community, throw ourselves into life there both to keep busy and as a means of finding out where we belong in that new place. But it can end up by creating new anxieties and increase stress. I hope you’ll settle, and stick with whatever you’ve found that brings you satisfaction while discarding the rest without its causing you further anxiety. Good luck!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Sofia says:

      Thank you ๐Ÿค—๐Ÿค—

      Liked by 1 person

  10. amyspeaks says:

    I think we can all fall into a state of mind where we are preoccupied with not feeling like we are alone. I think itโ€™s great that you are filling a blank space with content in your life. By doing so, you will find what you want to be doing and erase the uncertainty.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Sofia says:

      I hope so ๐Ÿ™
      Thank you ๐Ÿค—

      Liked by 1 person

      1. amyspeaks says:

        You’re welcome!

        Liked by 1 person

  11. Your picture reminds me of my retirement savings account.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Sofia says:

      Sorry, but this comment is really funny, lol ๐Ÿ˜…๐Ÿ˜…

      Liked by 1 person

  12. rajkkhoja says:

    Very nice do you doing. Such a right you think. God bless!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Sofia says:

      Thank you ๐Ÿค—

      Liked by 1 person

  13. elsabeskryf says:

    You are not running away from handling your thoughts… you are writing about your thinking and that is working through stuff in your head. To keep your mind busy and healthy, it is very wise to get out of your comfort zone and participate in something outside your flat, as you are doing. I admire you… fighting through all the phases. You really are courageous.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Sofia says:

      Thank you ๐Ÿค—๐Ÿค—

      Like

  14. I think we all dance in and out of feeling exactly the way You are feeling!!! I most certainly do. You are doing so many cool things! Be kind to Yourself and Rock On!!! ๐Ÿค—๐Ÿค—๐Ÿค—

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Sofia says:

      Yeah, I think you’re totally right. We all have different stages on our life path. And thank you for your support anyway ๐Ÿค—โ˜บ๏ธ

      Liked by 2 people

      1. My absolute pleasure!!! Thank You for Yours!!! Cheers and hugs! ๐Ÿค—โค๏ธ๐Ÿ˜Š

        Liked by 1 person

  15. You have been through a lot, and you are a strong person – probably stronger than you realize. One day you will look back and reflect on these times, and you will marvel – or you might be grateful to these difficult teachers of life.
    As I read your post, I thought of this post of mine from a while ago, but it might give you comfort – and might prompt you to scribble some spirals!

    About those Spirals…

    Liked by 1 person

  16. I have mulled over your words for a few days – mostly because I could relate to them so well. There have been times in my life when I have felt exactly as you have described. Of course, I am much older now and certainly older than you. I have come to view things very differently than I did in my youth. I think that being human is hard and it is especially difficult in your particular situation. I do not want to invalidate your feelings or your situation – I can only imagine how stressful they must be. That said I will tell you that daily meditation and age changes a person. Please allow me to share the words of one of my favorite poets, Rumi:

    The Guest House
    This being human is a guest house.
    Every morning a new arrival.

    A joy, a depression, a meanness,
    Some momentary awareness comes
    As an unexpected visitor.

    Welcome and entertain them all!
    Even if theyโ€™re a crowd of sorrows,
    Who violently sweep your house
    Empty of its furniture,
    Still treat each guest honorably.
    He may be clearing you out
    For some new delight.

    The dark thought, the shame, the malice,
    Meet them at the door laughing,
    And invite them in.

    Be grateful for whoever comes
    Because each has been sent
    As a guide from beyond.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Sofia says:

      Thank you! These words are great โ˜บ๏ธโœจ

      Liked by 1 person

  17. dettinger47 says:

    Hi Sofia. Thank you for “liking” one of my blogs, which is how I found your blog.
    You ended this post by writing: “Are you happy with how your life is going and how you feel your life?”
    To answer your thoughtful and caring question, I just want to say that as I age (I’m 64), I face many more challenges than in my youth. However, 36 years ago, I devoted my life to God, and with it has come a peace of soul which can come only from Him, and one which never leaves me.
    I pray you will find that same peace, Sofia. May God bless you richly, and may He bring you joy and contentment.
    I look forward to reading more of your posts — and again, thank you for your “like”!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Sofia says:

      Thank you โ˜บ๏ธ

      Liked by 1 person

  18. U hv great creativity to express yourself….do whatever u lv to do…good luck…๐Ÿ’“๐Ÿ˜Š

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Sofia says:

      Thank you โ˜บ๏ธ

      Like

      1. ๐Ÿ˜Š๐Ÿ™

        Liked by 1 person

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