refugeenotes: what changed in me during the war.

War is destruction, death, hatred and pain. And there’s no excuse for that. But in addition to influencing the politics, economy, trade of the whole world, it, unfortunately, also affects individual peoples, families, destinies. Including mine.
Probably in the future all these events will be told in the dry language of history, but now it doesn’t get any easier and it hurts.

My first days in NI

I realized that during this time I have changed a lot. If you’re wondering how, here are a few examples:

1. Six months ago I had plans and ideas for the future, now I refuse to plan anything, and thoughts about the future cause anxiety and panic in me, so I try to avoid them.
2. I used to be one of those people who didn’t believe in the power of psychology and that depression existed. I’ve always had a stable mood without an emotional swing. And now I go to a psychologist and cry a lot (and I’m finally not ashamed of it). but it doesn’t always help to cope with the nagging feeling inside me. Because of these emotions, sometimes I think that it would be easier just never exist. But I still have periods when I feel that everything is not in vain and I can be happy.
3. In my past life I could afford basic adult entertainments (movies, cafes, shopping ets), now I can’t save money. Because I don’t have them 😆🙈
4. I used to always work and support myself. Now I’m on the government’s support.
5. I’ve always been comfortable alone, but now I’ve started to realize the importance and value of family relationships (maybe it’s not a war but age has affected me).
6. My hair has grown back!

me and my hair now

Have you felt any changes in yourself during this time. And if so, which ones?

43 Comments

  1. gwengrant says:

    Heart to you.
    Gwen.

    Liked by 3 people

    1. klotylda says:

      Nie trzeba wojny, żeby nagle nasz świat z dnia na dzień runął. Oczywiście ci, co wojny nie znają nie powinni oceniać. Co mogę napisać, aby pocieszyć? Chyba tylko przywołać słowa pewnego buddyjskiego mnicha, które mi pomagały, kiedy mój świat runął i nie wierzyłam, że kiedykolwiek pozbędę się już bólu ze swojego ciała. „Pamiętaj, że TO też przeminie!” Kiedy jest dobrze, to myślimy, że to szczęście będzie wiecznie trwało i często po prostu marnujemy nasz dobry czas. Z drugiej strony, kiedy dopada nas nieszczęście, to wydaje nam się, że już nigdy ta zła passa nas nie opuści. Jedno drugie to fałsz. Jeszcze się wszystko odwróci na dobre. Trzymaj się!

      Liked by 2 people

  2. rajkkhoja says:

    You are straight , strong and Brave women God blessing!

    Liked by 5 people

    1. Sofia says:

      Thank you 🤗

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Adelheid says:

    Can I give you a hug? 🤗🥰😘 In time, everything will be alright.

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Sofia says:

      Thank you 🤗

      Liked by 1 person

  4. I can’t say that I feel your pain because I’ve never been in your situation. But I can offer support and hugs and a sympathetic ear. I like how you’ve taken steps to find others (and writing) to help get you through such a dark time. I will be glad to “talk” if you need someone to listen (read). Hugs to you, my friend.

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Sofia says:

      Thank you 🤗🤗

      Liked by 1 person

  5. ginnymalbec says:

    Powerful insight. I can relate to you drawing toward your family relationships. I used to be a total introvert. I still am. But I’ve definitely noticed this need in me to make connections. By that I mean, connections on a deep level. Chit-chat doesn’t interest me. But meaningful connection does.

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Sofia says:

      Yes, it turned out to be very important.

      Like

  6. ginnymalbec says:

    Sending you a hope for peace.💓

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Sofia says:

      Thank you 🤗

      Like

  7. Priti says:

    Beautifully written ! I was very sentimental but reality made me practical and strong! Thanks for sharing 🥰🌹

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Sofia says:

      Thank you 🤗

      Like

      1. Priti says:

        It’s pleasure of mine stay blessed 🤗🥰

        Liked by 1 person

  8. Congratulation on the hair!

    I live far away in America and am not directly involved in the war. Probably the biggest change here has be the price of petrol doubling very quickly. I also find myself getting depressed. I thought at least Europe had grown past this sort of thing. But there are still some in humanity that consider war to be acceptable without bothering to try diplomacy first.

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Sofia says:

      Unfortunately the price of petrol raised here as well 🙈
      And I don’t use car or public transport so I don’t feel differences but I understand that it’s something annoying. Hope we can handle it in the best possible way 🙌

      Liked by 1 person

  9. your pain can not be describe in words but can reduce by sharing to your loved ones.🤗
    Being a teacher whenever I teach something related to “war” I feel that the war and pain is in history now but what about those people who lost everything in so called war, that makes me sad 😔

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Sofia says:

      I understand your feelings 😔

      Like

  10. elsabeskryf says:

    Thank you for sharing. You are very brave with a lot of wisdom. I hope life gets easier for you, on all aspects you mentioned.

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Sofia says:

      Thank you 🤗

      Like

  11. I want to give you big hug,could I ?

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Sofia says:

      Like internet hug?)
      I’d like it to be possible, but we have to make do with emojis 😄🤗🤗

      Liked by 1 person

  12. Such an honest post…heal and be well.

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Sofia says:

      Thank you 🤗

      Liked by 1 person

  13. DyutiM says:

    My heart just broke into a million pieces. You must know how brave you are. It takes infinite courage to fight the battle of survival every day and still open up yourself to the world. It takes real strength to grow as you have grown in such adverse situations. I hope and pray that each day becomes a little easier than the one before.

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Sofia says:

      And it really is! You’re right! Now I’m even afraid to remember how difficult it was for me just few months ago. Today, I have almost found peace of mind and can morally much more than I did a couple of months ago. Thank you 🤗

      Liked by 1 person

    1. Sofia says:

      Thank you 🤗

      Like

  14. Nishabd says:

    Adversities are mirror to us. We see what we have ignored for years. It scares us, we resist to accept. But we do it subtly and that brings change and growth

    Liked by 2 people

  15. I can relate to you, I too have experience war or wars, Irak and Afghanistan, not as a civilian but as a soldier from the Spanish army. Seen and done what young kiids at my age was 18 should not ever see or do, but I was young and I was going to say dumb, not really just my choice of work. We had extremely care about the civilians, even though you had the jihad man shooting behind civilians using them as shields and we did not return fire, we suffered being extremely angry and hopelessness when you see some of your people get hit with bullets and you can´t shoot back because of the rules of engagement. In a sense that made us more human not to put at risk civilians, that is being human in a un-human situation. I can relate to what you said but from a different perspective and ……….your hair has grown!!! I´m going bold big time, I just tell people it is more sexy.
    Have a great day.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Sofia says:

      I’m so sorry that you had to deal with such an experience. I hope you are safe and happy now. 🙌

      Like

  16. judyrutrider says:

    When you grieve for what you have lost, remember that you are blessed with the two most valuable things on earth: health (I assume) and youth. Your obvious intelligence will carry you through and your ethics will never be changed by circumstances. Thanks for bringing my attention to your blog!

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Sofia says:

      Thank you 🔅

      Liked by 1 person

  17. janicetv says:

    All the best in these times. ❤️

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Sofia says:

      Thank you 🌼

      Liked by 2 people

  18. Rupali says:

    Good wishes.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Sofia says:

      Thank you 🤗

      Like

  19. locksley2010 says:

    Thank you for sharing. If there is something that has changed during this time, it is a respect for everyone in your situation, no matter where everyone is from. Peace to you and glad you’re happy your hair has grown back!

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Sofia says:

      Thank you 🤗

      Liked by 1 person

  20. equinoxio21 says:

    Welcome back to your hair… 😉

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Sofia says:

      Thank you ☺️

      Liked by 1 person

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